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  • Writer's pictureMichael Goodison

The Most Boring Car in the World


I recently purchased a Kia Seltos, and it is surely the most boring car I have ever driven.


Plain white in colour, with a splash of red on the wheel caps. It departed the dealership to a distinct lack of fanfare. Wherever the Seltos goes, not a single head turns to look at it.


To celebrate our new car, Sarah and I took the babies on a Public Holiday afternoon drive to the beach. We installed the baby car seats and we set off. Bearing south through the rolling hills of South Gippsland, the winding roads and soaring views towards the distant ocean are the perfect stage for a new car to perform. You expect a fizz of excitement in the corners and the thrill of adrenaline from the acceleration... but not when you're driving the Kia Seltos.


When we arrived, Inverloch Beach was full to bursting with holidaymakers celebrating the Australia Day long weekend. The rallying cries against colonialism were left to the city-slicker types who would rather glue themselves to hot tarmac than drink refreshing beverages by the water with their friends on a public holiday.


As was becoming customary, nobody noticed the glistening brand new paint and tinted windows on the Seltos as we parked up and took the babies for a play at the beach. The Kia Seltos is the invisible car. It has no defining characteristic. It is neither big nor small. It isn't rugged or playful. It isn't fast or slow. It's just a car.


I'd spent more than fourty thousand dollars on this car, and a part of me


wanted at least five seconds of excitement, but I couldn't muster it. We lived with the Seltos all day, and by the end of it, the only moment of excitement had been when our 17-month old boy got carsick and threw up in his car seat on the drive back home.


When we returned home, I spent hours cleaning out the car from the madness of travelling on a return trip to the beach with two babies - one of whom had been sick. I aired it out and gave it a good clean, until finally, it appeared as good as new once again.


Obviously, I liked the car enough to spend hours cleaning it.


And in fact, I liked the car enough to stand in the driveway admiring it as the sun set


that night. We had bought a new car, and it was exactly what we had been looking for. It was safe, reliable, modern, and it took a family daytrip to the beach completely in its stride.


Our new Kia Seltos was boring, and at the same time, it was perfect.


I hope it stays in our family for many more memories to come.


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